Final Memory

Mermaid Dolls/ beach and Pirate Dolls

2006-06-05T15:03:00.000-04:00

:::a long entry:":

2006-06-04T20:00:00.000-04:00

I don't know why I am sitting here like this, waiting for Ann to call cause I know she isn't going to call.. But I continue to sit here.. I don't know what is going on but I am worried about her.. But will she talk to me. No. Of course she cant, cause everyone that is there around her.
One of these days, I hope that it will be like it once was.. When princess wasn't there. Which reminds me, I have a sticker for her.. It says "They call me Princess… If the Crown fits!" lol.. But I couldn't give it to Ann today, because she didn't drop by like she said that she was going to do. I miss her, and I know that she misses me. Its just hard sometimes…
Of course I know all about that.. don't I. But this is different. Totally different.
I'm not going to work tomorrow, first off I feel like shit, and second the damn Lawn Mower people are supposed to be here between 12-6 and I told the lady that I would be here. So Wanda and Heather will just have to handle it. Unless dad says something wrong, and then ill go to work. But hopefully he wont.
Then I have to go to work Tuesday, which I DON'T want to go cause its 666 and I a freaked. I already told them that I wouldn't be in, but if I take off tomorrow, ill have to work Tuesday… ***shakes fist*** and then Wednesday, I have to go to work till 11 something, and then go with mom for her Biopsy on her neck. I hope it doesn't hurt her. Because they are going to stick a needle on the left side of her neck into the Goiter (sw) I told her that I would stand in there with her if she wants me too, which by the way she talks it looks like she does.
I just got the munchies, hmmm ***looks at fridge*** I wonder what I can have.. BRB.

[Intermission]
song: My dads gone crazy by EMINEM "I'm going to hell who's coming with me?????"
[Intermission]

Ok im warming up Pizza rolls.. ( I hope that they don't make me sick) they usually do..
Well surprise surprise im getting a headache.. Maybe it wont get too bad thought, usually I don't take anything.. Cause I think that it will just quit eventually, but it never does. SO yea.

ALRIGHT the pizza rolls from hell gots to go go go. **brings out Boston cream Rolls.. The two best chic's in like is Little Debbie, and Betty Crocker!
Well I am on the second page of this entry and ANN hasn't called me yet, and I know if I call there right now Princess is going to pick up the phone and say "CAN I HAVE HER CALL YOU BACK" AND im going to say "K" like always.
I really need to do something fun. Laura told me that she wants to take me with her to the State Fair one night when they have a good free concert, so I am looking forward to that. And mom said something about taking me to Holiday World. And that will be fun Also. But I want to go to a movie so bad I can small the popcorn. ***blarb***
I still cant believe that bush is trying to Ban gay marriages, that's like saying [straight people cant get married] its already bad enough that there are a few states that you can get married in if you are gay, but now with the whole banning thing. It upsets me. If they are happy, no matter if you think its wrong or not, they should be able to marry, and get the same benefits of a straight couple. And Adopt if that's what they choose to do. But you know im one little straight girl voicing my opinion.. But that's what I think dammit!!! If they want to actually DO something, why don't they go to China, and save some of those children in the Orphanages that might not make it. How about save a life instead of ruining one. A friend of mine Adopted 3 girls.. And they are the sweetest sweethearts I have ever seen… That's what they need to do, and then find families over here.. Because I know that there is people here that would love to have children that cant, and would love to have one of those precious kids. It pisses me off what happened to them. O.o
Another thing that makes me mad is when you by a CD, like EMINEM, they bleep out ALL the bad words n shit. And stupid stuff, like this one song is supposed to say "I just drank a fifth of Vodka, dare me to drive?" and what it says in the CD is "I just drank a fifth of Kool Aide, dare me to drive" Im like sure, drive… go for it. Lol… and that's when I turn off the CD cause it makes me mad. I think that if the Artist makes the song that way. Then it should be that way. And if the Parents don't watch what there kids listen to, then that's there fault. That's like me getting a drawing or poem published and the re draw a part, or add a line to the poem.. To me that's wrong.. And that makes me mad too.. And then they get mad when you Burn a CD..
HELLO the record company f'ed up your song anyways.. And 2 why would they sell CD burners and then put a Anti Piracy Lable on the CD's saying that you cant burn them.. It makes no sence to me.. To be that's being hypocritical..
Just like this bottle of medicine that you spray in your mouth for a tooth ache, it says on the back, "swallowing this product is ok, but we'd prefer you not to swallow it" ok Jackie.. WTF
I wrote Heiri Sakura a letter a hour ago, but you know I cant send it… cause I cant get on the Internet, cause ANNA hasent called and that pisses me off also. (……jk, I love you Ann!!!) and she would say (uh huh..) lol.. ^.^
So my dad gets all in a tizzy cause I get on www.myspace.com because of all the psychos that are on there… and all the police that are trying to catch these psycho's.. First off.. (to me) again with my opinion… that place should be used for finding old friends from school and meeting new people, ( which is what it says it is used for) and people need to chill and stop being perverts.. Sending messages saying "are you horney" im like.. NO are you a dumbass?!?!?, lets all shake our heads YESSS… and the child predators on there.. That I have to hear about everyday on the news till I am about ready to throw up.. I mean do these people have anything better to do then be 46 years old with a age problem of looking at 14 and 15 year old girls??? that's SICK.. There should be a age limit on there anyways.. 15-36
Its crazy.. But I am getting tired of hearing about it on the news.. And around work, and from my dad.. And every fucking where you can see it.. The paper, the small town paper, BLAH… dads like, take off your profile… Im like dad… my space is a BIG PROFILE.. And anyways, the only people that I have on there that I don't know maybe 7 people but the rest of my 35 are friends I new from school..
Other than that, I love going on there, and seeing all the different templates. Its fun if you use it the right way. Get with it TOM.. Lol. Jk I think that this is going to be the Longest entry that I have ever written, it is already almost three pages.
"blister in the suuuuuun, big hands I know you the one"
lol..

730 I am getting on the internet and I don't care if anyone calls, then I might stay up.. Or I might not..
But I am ending this 3 page entry, cause I am our of stuff to ramble about……………
<3
Melissa

what a day....

2006-06-03T20:14:00.000-04:00

I am so tired, i just got off of work and today has been a complete day from Hell. I have been very nervous today, and i jus6t had a 5 min power nap and i had to get up because Ann is coming over (i think) in a few.
Some weird things happened today, that I was totally shocked! as a matter a fact.. I was just like "well fuck me flyin'" and thats pretty much what i said all day. We had so much to do...
I bhet people get on here and say "i wonder why all she talks about is her job, we all go through it" NO you dont.. Until you work where I work.. you dont know shit.. I aient kidding you.. I need to quit.. for my own benefit.. Its crazy...
The only good thing about going there, is the Dog... She is my baby.. her name is gracy.. and i lurve her!!! and Bobby the cat.. (she's a bob tail) but mostely for Gracy...
I am so discombobulated over the whole ordeal that i am going through.. of course.. there is only one way out,... and that is to quit.. yea I have that figured out.. but go were??? Do what??? In such a small town there isent very many options when you dont drive, and your mother takes you everywhere.. and when you have to stay in the small town to work.. then what can you do.. ???? All these questions.. and i never know how to answer them..
Yea i can quit that is definate.. that is true.. But how will we survive.. we cant.. not with all the bill s that we have. I have to be working also.. Mom cant do it all.. I mean.. I live here to.. and its my responsibiblty to help, daughter or not..
Well i am going to go.. and get off of here.. Ill be back on later maybe.. im going to try and get my head to stop hurting... so ill ttyl....
luv
Melussa
<3

Mystery Caller

2006-06-02T22:37:00.000-04:00

So that mystery caller called my again last night about 12:30 ish.. i am getting so tired of getting those calls.. I am going to have it tracked if it dont quit.. or the number changed one.. Im like.. getting tired of being woke up in the middle of the night... and wasting my Minutes.. which i am out of.. and leaving songs on my voicemaile.. Im fucking sick of it!!!!! I dont know what to think of it really.. I dont know if its a prank.. or its someone trying to piss me off.. Or if the poor dunbass has the wrong number.. eaither way, im getting tired of it!!!!!!
(I HOUR LATER) yea so i have been sitting here a hour and tis is all that i have written... but i did make a cartoon of will and grace...... I was trying to make Jack and Karen but i got tired of it... casue i had to copy and paste and erase and put together. and blah.. but i did get Will and Grace made and i think that they look cute.. Dont you.. ??? I am so tired, an di have to go to work tomorrow.. and i dont want to.. Monday i have to take off.., tuesday i work, wednesday mo has a biopsy done on here throat, and i am out of Zoloft sunday.. and i will be without until friday when i get my Rx refilled.. which is 100 dollers.. so who knows how i will be then.. Wanda pissed me off.. she always does by hear say.. and you no its the same o same o... Well i am going to bed now.. I am wore out, this would have been longer if i wasent fucking around on thedollpalace.com ...
ttyl
Luv
Melissa
<3

What I AM

2006-06-02T22:36:00.000-04:00

What i hate, i have become
What i am hates who ive been
and what i really am
has to be hidden away
i am so confused
Im so sad
I just dont understand
What i am
Ive fucked up
Ive lost command
of what i am
of who i am
Im not in control
Im overwhelmed
the nicotine has taken its fall
Im tired
Im tired
Im worring constently
Im a vercous reck continuessly
my worry rock has turned to dust
Now im here twidling my thumbs
what am i, who am i......

80 questions

2006-06-02T22:00:00.000-04:00

Whats your middle name? Marie

How big is your bed? King

What are you listening to right now? Missy Elloit Get your freak on

What are the last 4 digits in your phone number? 1169

What was the last thing you ate? Mac and Chees

Last person you hugged? Mom

How is the weather right now? Dark, rainy, dreary...
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Ann

What is the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?
Eyes

Favorite type of Food? Mexican

Do you want children? Yes 1

Do you drink? no

Hair color? Blonde
Eye color? Blue

Do you wear contacts/glasses? Yes

Favorite holiday? Christmas

Favorite Season? Fall

Last Movie you Watched? Aeon Flux

What books are you reading? The Mermaid Chair

Piercings? 5

Favorite Movie? Aeon Flux
Favorite college football Team? UK

What were you doing before filling this out? Writing a Poem.

Any pets? no.. but i want one
Dogs or cats? Both.. i want a Blue Russian Cat and a Pit Bulll dog
Favorite Flower? Red Carnations...Daisys

Have you ever loved someone? yes

Would you like to see them right now? Yes

Have you ever fired a gun? no

Do you like to travel by plane? i never have but i think that it would be fun
Right-handed or Left-handed? Right handed

If you could go to any place right now where would you go? Anns house

Are you missing someone? Yea
do u have a tattoo? No but i am going to get one soon!

Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings? the cartoons suck now a days
Are you hiding something from someone? yea

ARE YOU 18? No im 22

what is the wall paper on ur cell phone? its a AC DC walpaper

DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHt? I never do
FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING? fuck, i have to go to work.......

WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE? wouldent you like to know.. lol JK um i have a book and a flaslight.. and a pen and paper...
WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE? My Artistic Ability..

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? ver much so
FAVORITE HANGOUT? i dont have one

3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT? my friends
FAVORITE SONG? Photograph bu nickle back

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? Ending up Alone

ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER? Giver

WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? lets see.. boogie, fergy, Dippy Whore, lil' lizard, bitch, Mel, lissy, boo, what ever you like to call me.. lol

WHAT IS YOUR DADS MIDDLE NAME? Ray

WHATS YOUR MOTHERS MIDDLE NAME? Ann

STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULD TAKE ONE THING? Ann
FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL? Geico
FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE? my ring

Whats your favorite color(s)? blue black and purple

WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS TAKE WITH YOU? Licence, Phone, and Purse
WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? a power ranger lol..
WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS 11: pray that 6 gets here soon
THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEET? white with pink stripes

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP? That i have to get up in the moring and go to work... and Ann, and pretty much every thing, i

huh?~?~?

2006-06-02T07:42:00.000-04:00

yea i guess when i got all grr last night and turned off the computer, that i never published my
post.. O well.. I hav e to go to work, and i thought id write something... before i had to go.
im wearing GREY .. yea thats right, for everyone who knows e, i only were black.. well.. i m wearing gray with purple letters that say "Panama City Beach Flordia" with purple flowers on it.. Yea.. and i like it.. lol.. ^.^ well i have to go. so ill write more when i get home..

Luv
Melissa

fuckers

2006-05-31T22:40:00.000-04:00

well i am getting ready to got to bed and I thought ath i would write this entry, really quick, but you know i have started this about 8 times, and everytime i get about a papgraph into it something happens. I think that it kind of funny..
I am helping chris with his template.. i hope he gets it looking the way that he wants it to look...
I have to go to hell tomorrow, i am so ooo excited.. cant ya tell? lol.. I hate that place more and more each time i go there..
Ann is supposed to come by thought, if she gets gas and such... cause her tank is empty and so is her pockets.. wow that woul dmake a good poem.. Ill hae to remember that.. !!!
well i am going to end this, and then i am going to go, casue i need sleep before hell tomorrow......
fuckers...
lol.. jk...
ttyl
Luv

Melissa <3

fuck this day straight to hell

2006-05-31T18:34:00.000-04:00

My birthday has sucked ass today....
It really has.. I dont even want to write about it.. But i will..
I have been cleaning all day long and totally rearranging my room, then mom and dad left for a few and i had to clean the downstairs and vacum.. Yea that was my birthday... I dident hear from sandra, cause you know we were supposed to go out and eat today... so what ever....
I heard from Ann, and i think she was trying to find a way out here, but she never has yet to wish me a happy birthday....
Chris did, and Actually my Grandma and Uncle Gary sent me a card.. which shocked the hell out of me.. Mom and Dad, welll they cant get me anything, because they took 350 out of moms check, and she only had enough to pay half of the rent and now she is broke. So she if fixing me fried chicken right now.. which is what i wanted.. .....
I was talking to Ann this morning, and she was telling me of how this chic on ER reminded her is Sandra, and i said " i dont even want to talk about her right now.." and Ann said """sorry"""" lol.. but it kinda hurt my feelings.. I hate getting my hopes up to get shit ripped away.. i mean, me and her dident even have to do anything, all she had to do was call or text happy birthday, and i would have been happy.. but i dont even get that.. so what ever.. In Ann's case... i think she is pissed cause she is out of gas and cant come to see me.. Im just happy that she gives a shit about me, and at least calls me... and comes see me when she can.. Sandra could be going by were i work. and never think to stop. .. I just dont know why she is like that.. but it breaks my heart into a million and 1 pieces....
And the one that Hated me the most at work, got me a birthday card and M&M stuff from Las Vegas for my birthday..
I am so tired about writing about this day.. im going to end this entry....

edited version

2006-05-30T22:39:00.000-04:00

I said fuck 60 times in this entry... so this is the edited version......

these ****ing words are getting so ****ing frustrating...
and i cant hardely ****ing take it anymore...
the ****ing everything
the ****ing bitching..
the ****ing... memories...
the ****ing job
the ****ing house..
the ****ing music...
these ****ing words are getting so ****ing frusrating...
the ****ing poettry sucks
**** this and **** that...
thats all I ****ing hear all day long..
i ****ing hear **** so many times that iam about ready to ****ing puke...
i just cant ****ing take the ****ing bull shit any more..
**** the war
and **** the theives...
just ****ing **** everything...
**** my job and **** you too....
i am beginning to say **** the red white and blue...
**** it all and **** you too..
well not really cause honestly i ****ing love you....
these ****ing words are getting so frustrating
i cant ****ing get the ****ers out...
what the **** i want to ****ing say i cant say
and whatever the **** i do say, dosent come out ****ing write way..
what i ****ing feel i cant because its ****ing wrong..
in some ****ed up way.. i think its ****ing ok....
but this ****ing stress is ****ing killin me...
to the point of ****in insanity....
**** the day.. and **** the night..
nothing is ever ****in write...
nothing new is nothing every ****ing day....
so what the ****...
thses ****ing words..
these ****en lines...
you dont ****en care and **** ... neither do I
the ****ing poem is about ****in over now...
no need to cry your ****in tears....
you never ****en cared anyway....
**** it..
im ****en outta here....

i write....

2006-05-30T22:00:00.000-04:00

I WRITE
********************************
I am here
and you are there..
and ill do what i do every night..
ill come down here,
and write and write...
and listen to the tunes that move me....
some that chill me to the bones..
the music, it moves me..
to write these words..
but so do you..
so do all of you..
from the friends..
to the foes...
from bad to good.
to people i dont know thank you..
i am here
and you are there..
liek every other night...
like everyother day..
always there.. always there..
and im always here...
here
I call, to some.. but get n answer...
i get calls from One..
i love it..
I live for it..
I am here..
like always... nothing new is everyday...
until time lapses and fades away...
into another tomorrow, until another day...
until that day i see your face.. and you are here and not there...
theres no need to talk to friends..
nothing new is everyday...
thats what they say, but I dont believe it...
im sitting behind the wall that i have built for myself..
each brick,
a name, a place, a memory...
that i have yet to nock down...
because if i do...
i will knock down my self....
so i sit here.. and write..
and think of all my memories..
i think of you..
and i write.. .

what a day

2006-05-30T18:15:00.000-04:00

Yea, so I got off of work early, the stress is killing me today. Bills bills bills, and no money money money...
Blog drive is updating, so i cant write on it.. and Blogger wont update my blog period.. so i am getting pissed off.. Nothing is working out right today.. nothing. I got made fun of at work, and basically everything that i said, somehow made me look like stupid idoit... Even the customers were being rude to me. O well...At work, usually when someone has a birthday, they get them a cake... and i dunno why it got to me.. but they dident even bother and get me one..
On the side there, Is Joan Jett and the Black hearts "poster" She is hitting New York with her new release "Sinner" I just had to put that on here.. I got that information from myspace, i am on some kind of joan jett thingy.. and i get all sorts of info from them...
I have got such a headache, i really hope tomorrow is better.. Cause today sucked.. I think that i am going to bed early, of course I say that every night.. but tonight.. i might..
I was drinking this Sugar free drink from V8 today, and it had pineapple and kiwi fruit in it.. it was sweetened with Splenda (which i swear is going to take over the world one day) but Heather tasted it and she was like "it needs vodka" and im like.. well do you got some LOL.. we laughed and laughed.. lol.. This that i am about ready to post is so sad.. i read it on AOL news...

"I Can Still Smell the Blood"
Only hours after Iraqi civilians were killed, a second team of Marines was sent in to take the victims' bodies to a local morgue.
Lance Corp. Ryan Briones was among the Marines sent in to recover the bodies, and he told the Los Angeles Times he is still haunted by what he saw, including a young girl who was shot in the head.
"[The victims] ranged from little babies to adult males and females," Briones told the newspaper. "I can still smell the blood."
Briones says he and another Marine were told to photograph the bodies. Military officials say those photos -- which they say show people shot at close range in the head and chest -- clearly contradict initial reports that the civilians were killed by a roadside bomb.
'Something Broke Down Here'
Officials familiar with the investigation say Sgt. Frank Wuterich was the top-ranked Marine to enter the houses where the civilians were killed and is the center of the investigation.
In an interview with "Good Morning America" today, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff said there are now two investigations into the killings that occurred last November.
"One is to find out what happened. The other is to find out, why did it take us so long to find out what happened?" said Gen. Peter Pace.
More than two months after the incident Time magazine asked the military to respond to allegations of the killings.
The magazine says a Marine spokesman responded with an e-mail stating, "I cannot believe you're buying any of this. This falls into the same category of al-Qaida in Iraq propaganda."
It was only after Time magazine showed a video in February to another military spokesman in Baghdad that an investigation was begun.
"Something broke down here in the sense that no investigation was conducted immediately," said Gen. Jack Keane. "Therefore, people most likely in the chain of command who had knowledge and should have taken action appropriately did not and they will be under investigation for the failure to do that."
5/30/2006 11:44:23 EDT
Copyright 2006 ABCNEWS.com
****
That is CRazy...
I just dont understand it at all.. well thats all i am going to write in this entry...
Luv
Melissa
Y

:::pictures:::

2006-05-29T14:49:00.000-04:00

These are just pictures of me that i thought was cute!!!

It took me three Hours!!! but i got it done..
I made Pinapple upside down cake
fudge brownies
pecan brownies
walnut and carmel brownies
and little star choclate cakes with chocolate icing and decoration..

blah

2006-04-23T08:33:00.000-04:00

I have been up sence four something... After i write this im going back to bed.. I havent written in a while.. i mean, i added poems.. but i dident get to stay on here long.. Ihad a bad day yesterday.. till about 12 and Ann came and got me.. then i had a great day!!! We went to some yard sales, and the store, we found a turtle walking on the side of the road, and me and Jessic made ann go back so we could get it.. it finally came out of its shell a hour later.. we named it Eeyore.. lol.. and when Jessica wasent looking i let it go in the woods.. Ann kept going on and on about getting Salmanella, and im like.. you grew up in the country yo.. just like me.. i never got salmanella from a turtle.. or a snake.. i used to pick up toads and i never got warts.. chill LOL.. she just laughed.. then i went to her house and chilled on her porh while she mowed grass... I played with patrick for a while.. he is getting so big.. he is so cute! They was going to cook out last night for thunder and she wanted me to stay.. and i really wanted too but i dident want everyone here to get grr at me.. i should have said ok and stayed..
but i dident even stay up and watch it on TV i went to bed around 8 45 ish.. and it started at 9:30.. I did watch some of the air show though earlier in the day.. it was pretty cool i guess i just wasent in a thunder mood.. I dont know really what toay has instore.. i was going to make Ann a Cd, so i guess i can do that... i was going to last night but i fell asleep, which i have been doing alot lately.. or maybe i can go outside and weed a little.. the flower beds look horrible, and i have to check on mah plants lol. I dont know if anyone seen my blog last night.. but i had it all fuckered up... but i fixed it and but new music on it.. and so its back to normal.. i kept getting pissed cause id go to www.dollicrave.com and it would shut AOL off.. so i finally just turned it off and went upstairs lol.. well i guess ill end this... get some stuff done.. ttyl..

Luv
Melissa

"in your house i long to be.. room by room patientally.. ill wait for you there... like a stone...."

she says

2006-04-22T11:51:00.000-04:00

She says im a good writer
I believe her
Im a writer with a imagnation
a broken hearted liberation
working on my own destination
to my own salvation
in this world of wonders
im the writer
im the dreamer
im the screamer
im the crier
im a artist of different things
I believe in different ways
of which my parents dont agree
She says i needs to do something with my art
I believe her
but the resources i need
the money
and the people i might need to know
are not avalible in this
corn covered town
but i stil dream
She says im beautiful
I believe her
on the inside i am
and the way i am on the outside
makes me beautiful
I dont need a model body
I just need more self esteem
and love
She says She's my friend
I believe her
I trust her with my heart
Im glad when i thought all was lost
she found me
we are so much aloike its scary
she's my best friend
she says i am
i believe her

:::Everyday Struggle:::

2006-04-22T11:42:00.000-04:00

Its a struggle everyday
but you gotta keep goin'
you gotta keep livin'
or you'll get bit in the ass
with the way things are goin'
were all going to get screwed
one way or another
and I for one
..one of these days...
Im going to break free
of the norm
The cost of living is going up
but not the pay
of the jobs that we have to work
The war is still going
after 6 years
I cant believe its been that long
and we still havent caught him
the war is raging here
they need to deal with the people here,
and bring the boyz back home
from medica to racism
from different religons...
they need to deal with the people here as far as im concerned....
let the religons be
and chill as far as racism goes..
fix the medical aspect of life..
if we work here and live here..
have kids here and die here..
no matter what religon, or race..
OR sexual orentation for that matter..
we should get free benifits..
free help and understranding..
but we dont..
the struggle keeps going...

:::life still goes on:::

2006-04-22T11:33:00.000-04:00

The birds can sing
but sometimes i cant undersrand there song
Things come in three's
sickness to diease
and as sad as it seems
life still goes on
people gather in masses
to watch fireworks in the sky
while our boys are on the front line
but life still goes on
as sad as it seems
I still write my dreams
and in the scheme of things
i lose what i really mean
my morals have changed
and so has my trust
i live a honest life
im caring and giving
still im labled as a sinner
always a loser
never a winner
but life still goes on..

::::my yesterdays horoscope... :::::

2006-04-21T07:25:00.000-04:00

(i dont know why this dident post yesterday... but o well.. its a day late LOL.. )

April 20, 2006
Peace And Quiet
Gemini Daily Horoscope
You may enjoy a sense of quiet tranquility today. As a result, you could feel your attention being pulled inward and desire time by yourself in a serene setting. If you can step away from your normal activities to experience some time alone, you will be able to enhance your peaceful state of mind even further. You might consider soothing activities that would infuse you with calmness today, like taking a slow walk through a natural setting, sitting quietly in meditation, or writing out your thoughts. Through these activities, you might develop a deeper awareness of yourself, receive guidance about life changes you may be considering, or simply enjoy the silence and solitude.

Engaging in periods of peaceful solitude soothes our minds, quiets our bodies, and infuses our spirits with serenity. When we feel a pull toward calming activities, honoring our need for solitude can provide us with a sense of invigoration and strength that we might not even have realized we were lacking. As we engage in periods of quiet reflection and rest, we allow our thoughts to quiet down, release the stress and tension from our body, and create a welcome forum for our spiritual self to step forward. This helps us feel more connected and balanced, which will have a positive benefit on every aspect of our lives. You can make the most of your tranquil mood today by granting yourself the gift of peaceful solitude.

That peace and quiet thing sounds just Wonderful....

you can get your horoscope for free delievered to your email at www.dailyom.com .... it has really in depth horoscopes.. its neat..

Woot Woot.. Wottie lol

2006-03-23T15:32:00.000-05:00

well i got up this mornng and couldent walk.. So i had to get my bearings and gradually make it down the staris.. were i bitched all the way i might add.. i got a shower which was a miricale in itself.. cause i could barely walk and i had to stand there for a minute to even figue out how i was goin to get my self in.. i fixed my hair.. well actually i put some goop in it and hoped that it looked good made my way back up the steps and fell on the bed and enede up crawling aroun on the floor to get my clothes on... I came down and told mom that i needed to go to the docter.. So we went by work first and told Wanda that i was going to the Urgent care.. and they gave me the name of the one that they used and my work paid for me to go cause i got hurt there, on the job.. so thats a good thing.. i gues.. i kind feel bad.. but then again.. im all what the fuck ever. So i went to the docter and i dident have to wait long... they put me in a air cast and sent me on my marry way...So i went back to work and wanda was all grr.. and i got my check from my boss and talked to her for a little.. Then hobbled back up front.. wanda was all grrr cause i had a work thing that said i was off till tuesday LOL.. and so i said "is threre any money to cash my check.. but there wasent.. so she cashed it with her own money and then is getting her money back this afternoon.. then i ate cake and left.. i think i pissed her off.. but what ever.. you know what i got to say about that??? ***ha ha ha im off and your not...ha ha ha...*** ^.^((now that i got that out of my system))LOL.. So after all that, me and mom did what we were going ot do tomorrow.. I got Sandra P.'s wedding present, for her and her husbadn a 25.doller gift certificate to Cracker Barrel.. and then we got hamburger and mom is making Chilie. I also got the wedding card.. for them.. but i just dont understand why they havent called me about my dress.. I am resting alot though cause i want my foot better. So i can wear my heals in the wedding but i only have a day and a half to get it better so i am trying everything i can poissibly doo.!!! It hurt so bad when i did it.. I was walking outside to call ann and get some carts in and i dident evne get to the cart.. i dident even got to my phone.. i dident get to anything caused my foot went sideways and snapped.. I couldent feel my leg and the next thing i know i am sitting down at the other register on a chair and a bag of peas over my foot.. lol.. I just ate supper.. I had Chilie and peanut butter sanwhiches.. it was really yummy...
I am glad that i got to take the ice off of my foot cause it was getting cold..
and if dad keeps up im going to bash his head in what a coffee pot. lol... he said he can aggravate me cause i cant get up.. well watch this fat gurl go.. i told him to bring it on.. lol.. when i fall on him he wont be able to get up anyways.. lol and i win again ha ha ha haha.. *** pshcho evil laughter*** LOL.. he told me not to write that in here and i said.. my blog.. ha ha ha.. !!! andi win again 2nd point.LOL.. As i was coming home I saw Chris's Car sitting at a intersection.. So i guess piglet..( as we like to call his car) finally had a mental breakdown.. :) lol.. Poor chris.. poor car!!! i knew that it was going to break down.. he told me on the phone last night that it might.. i need to call him at work and tell him that if he needs a ride to the wedding we can pick him up on the way there.. but if he reads this he will already know..... lol... So i forgot to tell you that when i went to the docter i was asked if i needed cruches.. and when i said yes they told me iu had to by them.. up front.. im like.. you bastards.. reel me in then kill me LOL.. it made me mad a little bit.. O well..
I tried to call Ann twice today.. which i got to talk to her for a little bit.. and she was at her house .. and i told her that i went to the docter.. n stuff.. and then i calle dher back the last time in tears and she was about ready to fall asleep.. so i just let her go.. cause she needs sleep.. she dident want to at first.. but she did finally.. i mean i would have basically just talked to the air.. cause when she is half asleep she never remembers anything that you say!! its funny.. I like to call her knowing that she is that way.. and she will say some off the wall thing.. LOL.. its very funny.. well i am goingto end this.. ttyl
Luv
Melissa
"IF I GET BACK TO YOUR TOWN HOE IM GONNA MAKE YOU SCREAM ALL NIGHT -joan jett , song star star-"

Laffy Taffy Lyrics.. :)

2006-03-20T07:10:00.000-05:00

Laffy Taffy

Dat laffy taffy (candy gurl)

Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy (candy gurl)
Dat laffy taffy

I'm lookin fa Mrs. Bubble Gum
I'm Mr. Chik-O-Stick
I wanna (dun dun dunt) (oh)
Cuz you so thick
Gurlz call me Jolly Rancher (Oh)
Cuz I stay so hard
You can suck me for a long time
(Oh my god!)
Gurl dis ain't no dance flo'
Dis a candy sto'
And I'm really geeked up
And I got mo' dro
I pop, I roll
It's soft I know
It's da summer time
But yo laffy taffy got me froze (oh)
Gone get loose (oh)
Gone get low (oh)
don't be shy
H** I'm Faybo? (oh)
I kno' you wanna ride
You a star and it shows
(What's happening? What's up? What's up? Let's go, let's go, let's go)

Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy (candy gurl)
Dat laffy taffy [Repeat 2x]

Cum on trick cum on trick
Here go Mr. Chocolate
I like da way you break it down
Waddle, stop you watchin me
Laffy taffy I'm likin' dis
Big ol a** you shakin b****
Close yo mouth and don't say s***
Bend on ova and hit a split
Work dat pole and work it well
Stacks on deck, yo ankles swell
Gurl let me touch ya
I will neva tell
Security gaurd don't scare nobody
Damn right I touched dat h**
All da money just hit da flo'
D4L I'm ready to go
H** can't even shake no mo
Dey tired out
Lets ride out
B**** you wanna go
Den she can go
She get in my car
I ain't playin no mo
Start movin on my Faybo
B**** she probably already kno'
Let me see dat laffy taffy
(dun dun dunt)

Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy (candy gurl)
Dat laffy taffy [repeat 2x]

Say baby gurl
A wat you gon' do
I got a hundred 1s
I wanna pour on you
Just keep dat a** shakin
And I keep tippin' you
While I sit back like a playa
And sip dat grey goose
Feelin' all loose
Cuz gurl you on your job
You got my d*** hard
Da way you touch dem toez
Workin' dem micros
On da stilletos
You made it skeet skeet skeet
Like a water hoez (candy gurl)
Got me goin' in my pocket
Pullin' out mo' dough
Let da waitress kno' I need to order
Five hundred mo'
You besta believe lata on we headed 2 da mo'
So gone and pack dem bags
And let's mothaf***in' go
I'm waitin' on yo fine a**
At da front doe
Gurl you don kno'
Ima toss da laffy taffy
Toss it flip it and slap it
Bust a couple of nuts
And get right back at it

Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy (candy gurl)
Dat laffy taffy [repeat 2x]

blah..

2006-03-20T06:42:00.000-05:00

well i just got out of the shower.. my arm hurts so bad.. i wonder if i have a pinched nerve or something.. I have to go to work after a bit.. i jst hope i dont have to carry heavy stuff today.. cause it will kill my arm cause its one big ache.. and my fingers are numb.. But i can actually type something now.. I tried before the shower to type something on another blog that i have.. and i just couldent.. Mom and dad are still in bed and i think that is funny.. considering that dad usually gets up around 2 a.m. and mom, well she is usually up about 5 min before me. there is a doll that i just made on www.thedollpalace.com
heres another.. well i have to go and finish getting ready.. i think that this might be a long day.. actually i know it will be.. its going to be a fuck day... Maybe ill see Ann.. :) well ttyl..

Luv
Melissa..

Friendship

2006-03-19T22:11:00.000-05:00

If I could catch a rainbow I would do it just for you and share with you its beauty On the days you're feeling blue. If I could build a mountain You could call your very own;A place to find serenity,A place to be alone. If I could take your troubles I would toss them into the seaand they would drift away for ever and ever.. and never come back to thee.. if I could catch a star... I'd name it after you.. and let it follow you to light your way...when things are dark and full of gloom... But all these things I'm findingall this things i cannot get to you.. its impossible for me. I cannot build a mountainOr catch rainbows and stars...but let me be, what i know best.. a friend who will lend a ear.. when your feeling blue...a friend, that whenever your need to be alone..i will let you.. a friend to be your sea...to toss your troubles into.. and a friend.. to give you light and insightwhen things are dark and full of gloom....a friend, whose a best friendyour whole life through.. you've always been like that to me.. and i have always, been like that.. to you..

YAY good thing!!!

2006-03-19T17:11:00.000-05:00

I have actually had a good day. I got up at 9 and went with mom to mejiers to return some things that dident fit and to go shopping. I bought the prettiest pair of earrings to wear with my dress.. and two cards for Ann. One was a card that said "do you know what stess is spelled backwards?" and you open it and it said "desserts!!!! so have something sweet.." and she did... and then the other one was a picture of two girsl on it.. holding daisys... and it had this rellly pretty poem in it. about how she was my best friend.. and i knew that the moment that i found her.. She really liked both of the cards. Plus i almost filled up the whole back end of Steves truck with stuff. cause i would pick up stuff for them here and there .. liek water etc. and next thing you know the whole truck was filled LOL.. I wrote a Poem also, but its upstairs and im two lazy to go and get it. Sandra never did call me.. I hope that she is ok.. i text messaged her something last night and dident even get a answer.. so before i went to bed i texed "i guess so " and went to bed.. Im not worring about it too much.. She is alright.. I have to go to work tomorrow through thursday then im off friday, saturday, sunday, and monday. ^.^ ((woot woot)) i am so excited about that!!!! Friday is going to be a busy day. and Saturday.. OMG. ok so Firday I have to go to a few places.. Pay some bills... etc. actually i have to pay bill asap.. because i am behind on one and theyll be callin,, ***shakes fist #.#*** well anyways.. then Saturday.. I have to get up .. put nails on.. leave go get my hair done, at 11:30... come home. Put my Makup on. and get into my dress and be to the Wedding BEFORE 2.. yea.. i said that id be pressed for time.. But i can do it.. its a women thing.. were always on time.. lol.. I hope lol.. cause i have never done anyof this. but i looked so pretty in my dress. I might even have to dance with someone ^.- lol... it was so funny when i asked wanda if i should switch days.. i did the whole.. "ooo are you sure your not busy routine" well it worked.. ;) So i am really excited about the Wedding.. Before the wedding when i get the dress. Ann is coming over and she want to see me in it in person.. :) cause I was all like.. "it looks so pretty on me" Something just made me angry.. why do people have to copy people.. here's and Idea.. COME UP WITH SOMETHING ORGINAL!!!!!!! yea.. i cant really elabrate what is going on, on here.. lets just say its drama. not concerning me.. but with my dad and this other dude on the raido.. @.@ rolls eyes.. yea mel's middle finger is going up.. I just dont understand people like that.. who start stuff. Posers.. and people who just like to live in hell all the time.. ***lighting a candle*** lol.. yea i got serous.I just had a pieces of KFC Chicken.. Orginal.. i like extra crispy the bes' :) I just got on this doll site and it looks pretty stupid.. if it actuall yhas anything good ill be shocked. I am so tired.. ,,, i might go to bed early.. cause i dont have a day off till Friday. Which mad me upset sence i already did it.. cause ann was going to her aunts to clean. and she wanted me to go with her .. but i cant. but its ok.. she understands.. i even think that she is happy that i am doing something like this.. cause i never have.. yeah.. i have self esteem now.. ^.^!!!
well ill ttyl...

LuvMelissa

my day >.<

2006-03-17T21:59:00.000-05:00

So today was a very interesting day. I got up at 5:30.. actually got to work on time. Had a good morning, got my feelings hurt (which was stupid, cause it wasent really something to get my feelings hurt over.. its just the way it was said.. and what was happining at the time when it was said.. ) then at 12 i left and went to the wedding store to try on my dress.., which fit perfectly, except for the straps and they have to fix those, but other than that.. its beautiful!!! then i went back to work, where everyone just had to know how it went there. of cousr i told them and then back to work i went.. the i went home... and now im here.. yay rah... ~={ I tried to call Sanda this afternoon, and i talked to LiZ and she said that she hasent seen or talked to her sence yesterday.. and she was worried about her.. of course i can understand her completely.. cause i havent heard from her sence a couple days ago. OS i called her cell and told her to call LiZ first then me.. but she hasent called yet.. and Ann never called me back eaither, so i hope that she is ok... I called the house at 8 something and jessica said that she was at the neghbors.. and its 10:05 now.. and nothing.. so i guess ill just hear from her tomorrow or something.. =(::: same withe Sandra i guess =(:: but seriously, i want to hear from Ann casue i have alot to tell her.. well i guess that i will go.. i was going to put a picture of me on here in my dress but the pic dident turn out after i saved it so when i get better pics ill insert em' on here.... ttylluvMelissa

Happy St. Pattys Day

2006-03-17T07:35:00.000-05:00

YAY new template

2006-03-15T20:31:00.000-05:00

I am making this a quickee cause i am tired, and i need to go to bed... I changed the template.. lol.. ***all by myself*** YAY.. so yea.. thats the only thing that i accomplished today.. and it took me like 30 min.. well sorry i havent wrote anything.. been busy.. ttyl..

Luv

Melissa

a emotional poem to my girl.. my best friend..

2006-03-07T21:55:00.000-05:00

I have something to say
something important..
something serious..
something that i always say anyway's..
but i want to say again..
i am glad i have you..
i am glad that you are here..
i am always here for you..
i no i am a very emotional person..
and i hope that it doesn't bug you..
when I say i care..
i love you..
and i miss you..
I am glad were friends..
and i like to make you smile..
i like making people smile..
and i no that i have problems..
as you do..
and i feel bad telling them too you..
but you always take time for them,,,
as i do yours..
I am glad for what happened..
and im so happy we meet the way that we did..
i hate the way you get treated..
i dont understand why you ..
a sweet person like you..
has to live with that..
its because of i you that i understand a little about love..
and real friendship..
hardship and trials..
and the pain of not being able to see you everyday..
but the strength and happiness..
reassurance..and comfort that it gives me..
when I finally do.. makes me..
one of the happiest people in the world...
I talk to you on the phone..
everyday..
out of all the time that i have known you..
there was only one day we didn't talk..
and you were out of town...
i love and appreciate every talk ..
every laugh..
and every tear that we share together..
your my girl..
you gave me so much..
and expect so little..
you understand me..
so clearly.. like you have known me
since i was a lil kid
and that's the same with me..
but your still a mystery to me....
i never know what to expect..
but i love it..
if something ever happen's to me..
i want to make sure that you knew my thoughts..
and my feelings..
and know that i truly care for you..
with out a shadow of doubt....
and i like i said before..
i know that i am a emotional little girl..
and i hope you understand me..
that i am this way... because i care..
this was something important..
that came from my heart..
sent to my mind..
fed to my fingers..
and typed tonight..
your my girl..
my best friend..
i love you...
bunches..
goodnight

my Horoscope for the day

2006-03-06T07:15:00.000-05:00

Gemini
The Moon is in your sign today, adding a bit of verve to your nervous system. Sitting still, though not one of your favorite activities, can be particularly challenging now. Your thoughts are bouncing around, making you eager to change your posture and your mind. Take the time now to jot down your great ideas and then wait a day or two before making any final decisions.

bubble baths and not so good moods

2006-03-05T13:57:00.000-05:00

so i am loading up a bunch of contact tables for myspace.. so i thought while there loading i could write a entry.. since i am slacking on writing.. But not today.. cause i am going to make entry's.. and maybe a few poems .. just depending ... I am tired.. and there is a lot going through my head.. Last night when i got home.. I got online, and looked at my mail, same o same o.. then i got off and went and took I think the longest bubble bath that i have ever taken.. then i got out, and went upstairs called Anna which i didn't really even get to talk to her and she was supposed to call me back, so i laid up there till 10.. and i figured.. well she isn't.. so i just got up and came back down stairs and got on the Internet.. While i was laying up there.. I lit 3 candles and a incense and turned on Pink Floyd the wall.. which i do this when i just want to think.. and i have to admit, i haven't did that in a long time.. but it felt good.. just to lay there by candle light and do absolutely nothing but think.. well after all the calmness took place then i came down stairs and got on the net till around 1 and then went to bed.. i woke up this morning to Sandra calling me.. which was a good thing. cause i really wanted to talk to her.. she over analyzes things like i do.. but sometimes, she gets a better perspective of things.. than i do..well i totally forgot what i was going to say because Amanda IM'd me.. lol.. I haven't seen her sence high school that was three years ago and she hasn't changed a bit... mom just got up, and it seems that dad is in a not so good mood.. so i guess that today is going to be all kinds of peachy .. huh.. ***shakes small fist*** i am listening to a joan jett song called "I hate myself for loving you" and i am all into this song! Sherry is picking me and mom up tomorrow and we are going to go to the docter to see if she needs any kemo.. I just hope that she dosent.. well i am going to get off of here and go upstairs and watch the Jonny Cash movie "walk the line" cause i really have been wanting to see it and i "borrowed" it from heather.. well, heather dident even know that she got it unless wanda wen home and told her.. i just took it and i am giving it to her tomorrow.. LaterZ
LuvMelissa

2006-03-05T12:57:00.000-05:00

exactly what i fell about work

2006-03-04T00:21:00.000-05:00

Im about the Call it a Job......

2006-03-03T22:21:00.000-05:00

So, I am sitting here watching the TV.. and here in Indiana, there is a Trial going on about David Camm. he killed his wife and two kids, and after 5 years.. they finally found him guilty... The whole thing frankly is very confusing.. and i am glad that it is over.. Then there is some random guy with a foot fetish.. that supposedly said that he killed them on a tape.. yet he is free and the other guy is not.. im so confused. Im just glad that it is over!!!
Work today sucked for the most part.. I went in and wanda was there.. which she wasent supposed to be cause its her day off.. and cathy fell at work so she had to take payroll to her.. and then she decided to leave.. which YAY.. cause its her day off and Laura was there and Heather till 6 so yea.. they cant do much (which i understand) but that leaves me with a whole shit load of work.. I am so tired.. and heather tolf me some stuff that has been said about me.. and i am not too happy... and it is pretty silly..
I talked to anna today.. and she is doing pretty good.. her mom is doing good also.. and i told her some of what was going on a she got all grr.. she's cute when she's grr lol.. ((^.^ ha ha ha.. anime wink -.^)) anywho.. i finally got to tlak to her around eight. She went to get pizza, with her neighbor..and princess got all mad.. im like.. damn... she needs to chill.. ya know..
this life is too short to bitch all the time.. which is pretty much what we all do.. everyday of our lives.. same o drama... same o shit.. and we bitch and bitch but we never really try and change it.. ya know? This guy came into the store today.. he was prolly in his late 80's... he told me to have fun.. because if you dont have a little fun in your life.. you might as well be buried 6ft under.. and thats the truth.. ... And i no whats going to happen tomorrow.. im going to go to work and see wanda. and get pissed. cause of everything.. and im litterly going to conme home and cry.. cause i want to work there.. i do. I like the customers.. i like the job.. its the damn employees.. and i tell you i thought that high schol was full of drama.. well this place takes the cake.. !!!!!! you no when you get tired at the end of a long day and you say " Im about to call it a day.." well im getting tired of that place. so "im about to call it a job" I aient lyin'........
i have heartburn from hell right now.. I just ate my iron pill and two tums and i am about ready to eat a zoloft and call it a night LOL.. actually i tink i already took it.. o well i cant remember .. if i did i will just be more happier lol..
Chris came over today.. but i was at work.. he brought his aunt Cena over here to see mom cause she hasent got to see her sence she left work to have her surgery for her cancer.. and Cena gave mom a pretty card with $ in it.. it was so sweet of her.. mom was so happy.. the card is beautifull and she was glad to see chris and Cena.. of course i missed it all cause i was at work. but yea.. SO i am having a quizilla attack..!!! lol.. I love taking quizzes there.. cause they are fun quizzes not like.. 2+2.. lol.. I just took one that was called.. "Are you hott" and my result was "sorry nope" which i already knew that i dident need a quiz to tell me that.. lol.. well i guess that i better get off of here and go to bed so i can get up and go to that hell hole in the morning.. hooorah! :( ttyl
luv
melissa

what drug are you quiz

2006-03-02T09:18:00.000-05:00

You are weed. youre laid back and you like relaxing

with your friends, laughing, and mellowing

out.

What drug are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

ooo looky its kurt cobain!!!!!

2006-03-02T09:06:00.000-05:00

what sterotype are you in high school.. quiz

2006-03-02T09:01:00.000-05:00

You are THE GOTH!!! You're different, and the other

kids avoid you. You either have no friends,

or have a small group of friends who goth

like you.

Which highschool stereotype are you! (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

martini please LOL..

2006-03-02T00:20:00.000-05:00

ok so i was on this "myspace" icon page and they had a icon of a naked chic in a martini glass.. she was all over that glass.. and im like OK.. wow.. thats different.. a myspace site.. .. wow.. lol

a fast yet long entry.. lol

2006-03-02T00:00:00.000-05:00

well alrighty! i have been trying to post all damn day and just now.. at 11:55 p.m. i get the chance to write.. ***evil laughter**.... anyways.. today wasent a good day.. at all.. my first mistake was waking up.. i should have stayed asleep.. really i should have.. dad was down here being grr cause i dident do something.. i cant even remember what it was.. anna's mom is in the Hospital they found out that she had a heartattack.. and she had to stay over night.. so i called ann;s house when i couldent get her on her Cell.. and i ended up talking to jessica and she filled me n enogh info till anna finally called me back.. by then.. i wasent in a good mood anyways... then anna hung up and called me later, she was at my work getting water.. amd called me to see if i paid for the water that was under the counter.. then she hung up with me, and i tried to call her back.. but she dident answer.. so i just called work and Mara answered the phone.. and i asked for bouff and she got all shitty with me.. and hung up.. and then i got shitty and then anna called me back.... and we talked till she lost signal.. then later she called me back.. and asked me what was wrong... and i said noth.... and she said.. good cause i am holdin alot and i am done with holdin it for the day.. or something like that.. which made me feel bad for even telling her my problems.. but also, hurt my feelings a little.. which i no she dident mean to .. i mean im under all kinds of stress and so is she.. so when we say someting it can easily be taken the wrong way.. but i still feel bad, and my feelings are hurt.. not to bad thought.. lol... and so i dident call her back.. till like three and she had to go get her son from school.. and then i let her go... so she never called me back.. then around 9 she called me. lol.. which i was glad that she did.. but i still dident say anything casue i felt bad.. and i still do.. lol.. then i tried to call Sandra cause she is taking me and mom to the docter tomorrow.. but she never answered her phone.. so i wrote her a page and a half letter.. which i havent done that sence high school .. then i called Anna;s cell phone (this is something we always do btw) she dosent get a signal cause she lives so far out.. so i call and leave her songs on her voice mail.. tonight was fetish, crimson and clover.. and Golddiger LOL>. then i got up made my bed, took my happy pill, came down here and started this entry.. so that was my day now i am going to bed.. I love ya...Melissa

excerpt

2006-03-01T20:19:00.000-05:00

This smell of sin

Why can't I live my life

without hurting anyone?

Pieces of warped lies

While dreaming of an incredible tomorrow,

I count the sleepless nights.

C.c

1424

2006-02-28T22:55:00.000-05:00

well i had to go to work today.. but its ok cause i have two days off now.. so im happy.. though i have alot to do.. I dident get to talk to Anna much today cause her sisters in, and they want to spend time together.. which i am happy that they get too .. cause anna;s been wanting to see her forever.. and of course princess is making a big scene over it.. im like gawd.. lol.. so a whole bunch of drama is going on at work .. and me and wanda ended up being the only two there today.. well i left at 4. cause i was tired.. and i had to come home and fix moms gause around her drain tube, and fix supper.. but it was a easy one.. she just wanted cream of chicken soup and dad had already eaten.. so i have yesterdays mac and cheese... and a marshmellow egg.. now i am ready to go to bed, cause i am hella tired.. I am changing the pictures around on here.. cause i was board with them.. lol.. i like change.. LOL>. Yesterday a boy that i worked with asked me if i could bring all of his CD's.. which was fine so i brough all 21 back to him LOL.. was half was ones i gave him.. i left them there.. i just hope that wanda gave them to him.. cause if she dident.. ***shakes fist** lol.. jk.. So i have been on a pepsi kick now for like a week.. i just cant get enough of it.. which is a bad thing, cause i can see all my weight coming back... I mean i am big anyways.. but i did lose some.. and the pepsi isent helping .lol.. I am trying to think what i had for lunch today.. i cant really remember.. OOOO yea a happy meal.. lol.. i got a toy lol.. it was a cow that jumped rope.. and i left it at work.. DAMMIT lol.. well i think that i will go.. Im tired.. and i need some sleep... I really wish that Anna wouldhave called me back.. cause she will be at the hospital tomorrow with her mom and i wont get to talk to her all day... unless she calls... i miss her so damn much... :( its sad.. well ttyl..LuvMelissa

Adkins Dieters Raid Small Bakery Truck..

2006-02-28T22:49:00.000-05:00

this is a comic from my desk calander called "Close to Home" .. I had to put this on here.. because of the whole Adkins thing. I just thought it was funny.... this is what it says if you cant read it..
"Reaching the Breaking Point, a mob of frantic Adkins Dieters raids a bakery truck."

quiz.. what song am i

2006-02-27T22:36:00.000-05:00

You are when i'm gone of Eminem
You are very opened up to all of your friends.You

trust them and they trust you.Some people

don't like you cause you are too opened up.
[Introduction]
Yeah...
It's my life...
My own words I guess...

[Verse 1]
Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an

arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armour
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm

'her
But what happens when karma, turns right around and

bites you?
And everything you stand for, turns on you, despite

you?
What happens when you become the main source of her

pain?
"Daddy look what I made", Dad's gotta go

catch a plane
"Daddy where's Mommy? I can't find Mommy where

is she?"
I don't know go play Hailie, baby, your Daddy's

busy
Daddy's writing a song, this song ain't gonna write

itself
I'll give you one underdog then you gotta swing by

yourself
Then to write a rhyme on that song and tell her you

love her
And put hands on her mother, who's a spitting image

of her
That's Slim Shady, yeah baby, Slim Shady's crazy
Shady made me, but tonight Shady's rocka-by-baby...

[Chorus]
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no

pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no

pain
Just smile back...

[Verse 2]
I keep having this dream, I'm pushin' Hailie on the

swing
She keeps screaming, she don't want me to sing
"You're making Mommy cry, why? Why is Mommy

crying?"
Baby, Daddy ain't leaving no more, "Daddy

you're lying
"You always say that, you always say this is

the last time
"But you ain't leaving no more, Daddy you're

mine"
She's piling boxes in front of the door trying to

block it
"Daddy please, Daddy don't leave, Daddy - no

stop it!"
Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace

locket
It's got a picture, "this'll keep you safe

Daddy, take it withcha'"
I look up, it's just me standing in the mirror
These fuckin' walls must be talking, cuz man I can

hear 'em
They're saying "You've got one more chance to

do right" - and it's tonight
Now go out there and show that you love 'em before

it's too late
And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door
It's turns to a stage, they're gone, and this

spotlight is on
And I'm singing...

[Chorus]
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no

pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no

pain
Just smile back...

[Verse 3]
Sixty thousand people, all jumping out their seat
The curtain closes, they're throwing roses at my

feet
I take a bow and thank you all for coming out
They're screaming so loud, I take one last look at

the crowd
I glance down, I don't believe what I'm seeing
"Daddy it's me, help Mommy, her wrists are

bleeding,"
But baby we're in Sweden, how did you get to

Sweden?
"I followed you Daddy, you told me that you

weren't leavin'
"You lied to me Dad, and now you make Mommy

sad
"And I bought you this coin, it says 'Number

One Dad'
"That's all I wanted, I just want to give you

this coin
"I get the point - fine, me and Mommy are

going"
But baby wait, "it's too late Dad, you made

the choice
"Now go out there and show 'em that you love

'em more than us"
That's what they want, they want you Marshall, they

keep.. screamin' your name
It's no wonder you can't go to sleep, just take

another pill
Yeah, I bet you you will. You rap about it, yeah,

word, k-keep it real
I hear applause, all this time I couldn't see
How could it be, that the curtain is closing on me
I turn around, find a gun on the ground, cock it
Put it to my brain and scream "die Shady"

and pop it
The sky darkens, my life flashes, the plane that I

was supposed to be on crashes and burns to

ashes
That's when I wake up, alarm clock's ringin',

there's birds singin'
It's Spring and Hailie's outside swinging, I walk

right up to Kim and kiss her
Tell her I miss her, Hailie just smiles and winks

at her little sister
Almost as if to say..

[Chorus/Outro]
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no

pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no

pain
Just smile back...

********** WHat SonG R U? ******* **piCtuRes AnD lyRiCs InCluDeD ! **
brought to you by Quizilla

true color

2006-02-27T22:15:00.000-05:00

Your true color is Blue.
Your
strength is Authenticity. You seek to express
the inner you. Authenticity and honesty are
valued above all characteristics. You are
sensitive to subtlety and--with great
flair--you create roles in life's drama. You
enjoy close relationships with those you love
and you possess a strong spirituality in your
nature. Making a difference in the world is
easy for you because you cultivate the
potential in yourself and in
others.
You esteem yourself by being
sincere and sympathetic. People with blue as
their true color are persons of peace and
love. They are the natural romantics in life,
idealizing the perfect moment and gestures of
love. They are the most satisfied when
nurturing the potential in others, bringing
out the best in them. They are facilitators
of human potential. They are symbolized by
the dove of peace, the romantic ballad, the
drama of life, and the importance of a simple
touch or handshake. For more info go to

What Is Your True Color?
brought to you by Quizilla

rush

2006-02-27T22:03:00.000-05:00

sitting here...
senseless... wishing..
wishing for something..
anything..
yet everything all at once..
need to slow down..
need to relax..
i got time.. to drown it out..
i got time.. to do it..
but i still rush it..
rush work
rush love
rush friendship..
rush it all ..
always in a rush..
standing here..
i see you there..
i want a simple conversation..
but i cant have it..
i want to kiss you ..
so fucken bad..
but i cant...
i just hold you..
you hold me..
but even then..
its a rush..
rush to relax...
relax to start rush.....
a simple glance..
is sweet in itself..
then you leave..
and i am here..
till you call..
till you call..
still its a rush...
a rush to talk..
a rush to breath.
a rush to live..
a rush for everything..
those quite days..
when we are alone..
if one day..
we ever get to be alone..
please dont rush...

a good day

2006-02-27T21:58:00.000-05:00

Well i had a good first day back to work... I was relly mellowed out. Wanda was in a good mood all day, so was heather.. my boss on the other hand was all grr.. which was fine i dident relly let it bother me.. as much as i usually do.. and then him and heather got into it.. which i thought was quite funny.. We ate takeout from a coffee shop that her aunt runs next door.. I had a club, pickle and chips.. it was really good. There is this hot guy that shops there.. yea he's yummy LOL.. Dad was in a good and better mood than he was last night.. My mom is doing good as well.. She has to got to the docter thursday, and that is when we find out the results of her limpnodes test and she gets her drainage tube out.. Heather is taking us over there because her dad has throat Cancer, so my mom and her dad has there appt at the same time. :) Right now i am completly Rockin' to Joan Jett.. I absoultly LOVE her.. and blog hoppin!.. Drinking pepsi and basically just chillin.. i think this is going to be a quizzilla night.. ^.^ I want to go out on the town.. I tell you.. i am going to do something soon.. FUN.. with loud music and my anna.. lol... Connections sounds fun.. anything really.. lol.. but it has to be with Ann.. cause it would be a fucken BLAST.. ***Different Strokes, for different folks***I got my Vouge bill and my Guidposts bill and my Medical bills today.. UGH i hate fucken bills.. They alway s come at the most terrible times.. and then they send you notice after notice, i will pay them.. they just need to chill out for a bit ya no??? it makes me mad.. it really does.. well ill end this.. ttyl.. goodnight luv melissa

Good Morning.. if it is a good morning.. which i strongly doubt

2006-02-27T07:49:00.000-05:00

well i just wanted to write really quick and say good morning.. ! and now i have to go to hell (work for those who dont know me ^.^) ttyl
Melissa

Still sitting here..

2006-02-26T22:14:00.000-05:00

My Cousin Sherry came over today
and gave us this really old picture of my mom,
her brother and two sisters when they were kids..
mom was around 11 in the picture... but
my favorite part was that my grandpa and grandma
are in the picture.. I miss them so much.. its days like this that
i wish that i could go to there house and stay with them .. but i cant.. but yea.. I miss them.. :(

this is not a good picture.. but i tried

Yay.. new cool blog even though im pi$$ed

2006-02-26T20:56:00.000-05:00

Well i have a new blog.. i I really like it. I am glad that i finally figured out BlogSpot.. Now i have two.. I dident get to talk to Anna much today.. I called around 6ish and she was in bed with a terrible head ache.. so i hope that she is ok... I did something today, that i swore i would never doo.. and ill never do it again.. but i cant mention it on here.. Chris Came over and we made this blog.. cause i couldent figure it out.. then i went to look at his new house and to get a Mountain Dew.. He Told me that Him and Helen broke up.. thats sad.. and then we came back here and he left.... well my aunt and uncle showed up during all of that.. and after they left.. i got everything throwed directly in my face.. From chris being here.. to leaving for not even a hour.. to ann, .. to leaving with anna.. for not helping with mom.. even though i do it non stop.. for not going to church.. for everything.. and I have cried and cried and cried.. and i am so fucking pissed.. lets just say.. that after today is over.. alot of things are going to go back to the way they was.. and alot of things are going to change.. because i cant handle this.. i cant handle this at all.. I dont cook right.. "i sit on my ass" "i talk on the phone to much" "i love Anna more than my parents" thats not all that he said to me.. but let me tell you this..The only one that treats me for me.. loves me.. and would do anything for me.. and not only treats me like a friend.. but a sister and part of a whole other family is Anna.. and the other, who believes in me... my mother.. other than that.. i just dont no anymore..I am so pissed off right now.. i am getting tired of things being throwed back at me.. I feel so useless.. I miss anna... i want to talk to her so bad right now.. i feel so shitty, and i feel like crying.. it makes me feel like, like i havent done a damn thing.. and it makes me feel like everything is all my fault .. what ever happens.. to anyone.. its all because of me.. because of the music that i listen to .. or the things that i am in too.. I guess that i have to learn the facts.. the only one that i shouldent let down is my self.. cause with everyone else .. the way they act im letting them down... I cant even be me..!!!!! the ONLY person i can be MYSELF around is ANNA.. not even Sandra.. not chris.. not none of em.. and i cant even call her.. and talk to her.. cause she is asleep.. and i have to go to that fucken Hell Hole tomorrow.. and fucken work.. for 10 fucken hours.. with the same lame brains... and then go to bed and do it all over again.. whew..
So i am listening to the WONDERFUL Joan Jett Cd Fetish that Chris Made me.. he said that he dident like it cause it was all "women power" music, and it reminded him of a bar filled with a bunch of rocken out women... and im like .. WELL DUH.. LOL.. She rocks!
well i guess i will end this.. i will be up for a bit.. .. and ill prollly write more.. ttyl..
Luv
Melissa

2006-02-26T16:45:00.000-05:00

I don't wanna know
I don't wanna know

Your eyes were covered in sunglasses
When they first met mine
I sat there and stared at you
You didn't seem to mind
The awkward ways we meet

First comes heavy breathing
Staring at the ceiling
What will happen next
I don't wanna know
I don't wanna know

I never cared how i dressed before
But i cared that night
Anticipation ran through my bones
And my clothes never fit right
I can't wait 'til we meet again

First comes heavy breathing
Staring at the ceiling
What will happen next
I don't wanna know
I don't wanna know

Framed pictures start to be put on the walls
Constant visits while im out on the road
Its hard to leave sometimes
But you know where i lay my head at night

First comes heavy breathing
Staring at the ceiling
What will happen next
I don't wanna know
I don't wanna know